(Source: lunaconrad)
My 5th tattoo. I’m so happy I finally got it. This is what happens when you read comic books to your children as bed time stories. XD
(Mun leave for her wifey’s house today and will be gone for a while. Bye y’all!)
Alfie just lost his lover for good because his empire fell…
How do you comfort your brother when you look so much like his dead lover…?
ONE;
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
TWO;
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
THREE;
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
FOUR;
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
FIVE;
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”
SIX;
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
SEVEN;
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
EIGHT;
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
NINE;
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
TEN;
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a Black Hawk chopper coming in over a san hill near Mogadishu. When my PTSD starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is me.
[Original]
I HAVE THE BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER!!!!!
SHE’S LETTING ME USE HER CRUNCHYROLL PREMIUM ACCOUNT SO I CAN WATCH ALL THE ANIMES.
Feli blushed and bit his lips shyly, “I-I’m not…practiced I dunno how to do that without gagging..”
He grinned and leaned down, pressing a small kiss to the others lips. “I’ll teach you how. All you gotta do…” Al practically purred, bringing a hand up to stroke Feli’s throat. “Is relax.”
Feli blushed and bit on his lip, averting his eyes, “F-fine then.”
Feli blushed and bit his lips shyly, “I-I’m not…practiced I dunno how to do that without gagging..”
He grinned and leaned down, pressing a small kiss to the others lips. “I’ll teach you how. All you gotta do…” Al practically purred, bringing a hand up to stroke Feli’s throat. “Is relax.”
Returning the kisses he blushed, “C-ciao…Al.” He blushed, “W-what’s the occassion?”
Hums a bit and steals another kiss. “I need your help with a little somethin’ somethin’.” He grinned and brought one of the Italian’s hand to his groin, letting the man feel his hard on through his pants as he whispered huskily into his ear. “Been thinkin’ about you all day and it’s left me like this. Will you help me get rid of it?”
Blinking when his hand was directed his eyes went wide and his face a wild red. “W-…what do you want me to do, bambino?” He purred back, running a hand through his golden hair.
Al grinned and leaned into the touch. “I want you on the bed with my dick in your mouth and watching you deep throat me.”
